
Look, let me start this off by saying that I still love you. I love falling asleep to the sound of you, and I love the way you feel on a warm, summery day. But lately, I feel as if you've been smothering me a little bit, and I think we need to take a break. You've been here for what seems like weeks on end now, with no break in sight, and frankly it's getting a little stale (or should I say moldy?).
You're choking out the sunshine in my life, and it makes it harder and harder to get through my day. On those days when I know I should be going to the gym, you're so cold that all I want to do is stay at home and knit and eat something fattening, or curl into bed while you drone on and on. You make everyday tasks so incredibly difficult--just getting to and from work is a time-consuming challenge, what with everyone on the road suddenly going about 30/mph slower than normal, and driving all over the road. Is it because you like all the attention?
And let's talk about my MIL's house. Was it really necessary to ruin her floors, walls and furniture? 5 inches of flooding just in her house, buddy, and now there's a rumor going around that you're going to try for round two tonight. Seriously? We all have pain, but you don't need to dump on four counties.
So listen. Let's just do a trial separation here. I think even a week of distance between us would do everyone a world of good. You could go, I don't know, find someone who will appreciate your unique talents a little more than me, like a farmer or someone, who could really use your attentions. Because honestly, I don't need you hanging around right now, making things a little greyer and damper than they strictly need to be. You can still come by from time to time, in fact I'd really like to see you on a less-intense basis. But for now, I have things to do, like cleaning out my car, and I just don't want you around when I'm doing them. (I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but there it is.) Let's just end this as cordially as possible. Maybe we can talk sometime next week for a little while; just not that weekend, I'm going camping. And you're not invited. Sorry.
Sincerely,
SHIMIRY